My family includes those related by blood and
those related by love and choice. In 2010 my nephew-by-choice and by heart
Alexandyr Reid-Watkins told me he was transgender and would transition from female to the male.
Alex has become the man he always was and I am learning from him what it is to be transgender. I invite you to learn along with me through an essay Alex published June 12, 2015 on a GoFundMe page he set up to raise money for re-assignment surgery, as well as through our subsequent on-line conversations.
Alex has graciously allowed me to post to my blog his essay along with our Facebook conversations.
Alex has graciously allowed me to post to my blog his essay along with our Facebook conversations.
Thank you Alex!
Alex writes: I
came out as trans in early 2010. This was something that was 20 years in the
workings. Coming out certainly liberated me. However, I did not feel
complete. I started hormone therapy in May of 2012. That helped me feel more
whole. I believe top surgery is one of those things that if completed will
combat my dysphoria with my chest. I am not a small chested individual and I am
saving up money on the side. It has been a slow process.
I've recently decided to embark
on a personal mission: Alex 2.0. The time that I've given myself is 1 1/2 years
to become the best possible person I can be. I fell into a depression and let
myself go a little bit, but now, I'm working on my physical fitness, as well as
saving for surgery and becoming the man I know I'm meant to be.
I am always educating people on
trans issues and have no qualms about any trans-related questions, no matter
how personal, so long as they are respectful and coming from a place of genuine
curiosity. I have lost some friends in the process, but I have also gained tons
more and so many friends and family have been supportive of me throughout my
transition and for that, I have been eternally grateful. I thought about doing
some sort of fundraiser and people recommended that I try gofundme, so, here I
am.
I also wish to thank everyone
in advance for helping me achieve the one thing that will make me finally feel
outwardly how I feel inside. Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of
my heart. I am planning on having surgery done by a doctor who comes highly recommended to me. $6,000
is his current price for Double Incision method (the procedure I would need to
have done).
Betsy’s
comments: All
this is new to me and I am grateful for how open Alex is about himself and Alex 2.0, his process of becoming. And I am grateful for his
challenge to me and all of us to go beyond “accepting a trans person because he
(she) is your friend.”
I have
a lot more to learn and to assimilate and to accept about transgender
individuals. And Alex continues to teach
me (and others) through his Facebook posts which I share now with you.
June 5, 2015 Alex posted on Facebook: So, in light of this Caitlyn Jenner story, I
have seen both sides of the spectrum as far as acceptance goes and I have seen
a lot of trans phobic rhetoric as well. Being an ally is not just accepting a
trans person because they are your friend. You can't accept one person as trans
and somehow deny other trans people because of certain stipulations you have
placed on said friend, i.e. "Well, I don't mind that you're trans, but I
don't like other trans people because (insert excuse here)". You're either supportive or you're not. That's it.
Another thing is, I have finally made a GoFundMe website for people who have expressed interest in helping me achieve my goals can support me financially, if they have the means to do so.
Lastly, as always, thank you all for your continued support. It seriously means the world to me.
Note from Betsy: Unfortunately, Alex was not able to raise enough money through GoFundMe and his website was shut down.
June 12, 2015 Alex posted on Facebook: I know that there is a lot more research out there nowadays than before. Just note that Google is not always accurate and people's trans experiences are not all the same. Something that may hold true for one trans person may not be the same for another.
For me, no question is
off-limits. I do not get offended when people ask personal questions when they
are genuinely curious about something. Times are changing and people are
learning a little more about trans people, but there is still a real stigma
about it. Especially with all the media hype and negative publicity. I
personally believe that nowadays, it's probably the hardest person to be (as
far as the LGBT spectrum goes anyway) because a lot of people are still really
not knowledgeable enough about it or are just too uncomfortable with the notion
all together.
June 18, 2015 Alex posted on Facebook: I was reading something today and it led me to
a series of thoughts. I have often wondered why people associate gender
identity with sexual orientation, and then I realized, even though it's an
umbrella, LGBT (and all the other acronyms) are all bound together, so I can
clearly see now how people who are unfamiliar with that world confuse them so
often. Not saying anything bad about it, but, it does make much more sense now.
[Food for thought].
June 20, 2015 Betsy responded on Facebook: Thanks
for this. It is confusing I read this and can't separate it all out. Write more
please.
June 22, 2015 Alex’s response: Well,
I was just meaning how LGB (lesbian, gay, bisexual), all refer to a person's
sexual orientation, whereas T (transgender) refers to gender identity. They
clump all of them together (LGBTQIA - Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender,
questioning, intersex, and asexual) even though being transgender has
absolutely NOTHING to do
with your sexual orientation whatsoever.
I think that people confuse
all the alphabet letters and identities often because they are lumped together
and though it is getter better now, people often misunderstand trans people or
think that being trans has to do somehow with being gay or lesbian or something
else when, in fact, your gender identity (as male or female) makes you male or
female. For example, if you are FTM
(female-to-male) and you like women, this does not make you a lesbian because
your gender identity is male and you date or are attracted to women, you are
considered a heterosexual male. And that works all the way across the board.
MTF (male-to-female), if an MTF likes men, they are a heterosexual female. And
so on and so forth.
Of course there are many
other identities now as we see from the current expansion of alphabet
identities: LGBTQIA (lesbian, gay,
bisexual, transgender, questioning, intersex, and asexual) but that is a whole other
conversation entirely.