Rose "Fewkes," Leonard "Fooks" and me

 

My mother and father, of blessed memory, couldn't agree on how to pronounce their last name. It is spelled F-U-C-H-S. Mom called herself Rose Fewkes and Dad called himself Leonard Fooks. I pronounce our last name Fewkes.

One year while attending services at Beth Emet Synagogue (Evanston, IL), I announced that I was saying kaddish for my father Leonard Fooks. Bekki Kaplan, Beth Emet’s Executive Director, apologized to me, “I’m so sorry I’ve been saying your last name wrong all these years.” “Nope” I replied. “That’s how he pronounced it, so that’s how we pronounced his last name.”

My parents agreed to disagree about their last name. No problem there. But not on political issues. Dad was the rational one who could marshal arguments based on facts he got from Time Magazine and from the Chicago daily newspapers. Mom was the opposite. Not irrational rather she formed her opinions based on her heart and her life experiences. Dad vocally and angrily tried to get Mom to buy his arguments. Mom let him know that her views stood and his well-formed arguments didn’t convince her to change her way of thinking. Here’s one example of how their differences played out: Mom voted for the “senior” Mayor Richard J. Daley because he was personable, and she felt he took care of Chicagoans, like he was our benevolent uncle. Sometime during Richard J’s six terms in office, Dad ran for Alderman of Chicago’s 39^th ward as an Independent candidate in opposition to Daley’s Democratic machine. (Dad lost, of course.)

What about me? I learned from listening to their different views on politics that there was validity on both sides. The senior Mayor Daley was personable and took care of us White folks in Chicago, but Daley supported policies that kept our city segregated, kept services unequal and kept patronage strong. Still… the city functioned.

For better or worse I see both sides of the political divide, even today. I know that many Trump supporters and anti-vaxxers are ill-informed about some things; you may think about all things. But they are not stupid and I would never call them “a basket of deplorables,” as Hillary Clinton did. They are our fellow citizens and I believe that many of them have been hurting financially and have been scared for a long time. I believe that like you and like me, they want to ensure that their children will succeed financially and be able to afford a car, a house, and to have children of their own.

And I contend that many Americans believe the government doesn’t have their best interests at heart. Case in point, Congressmen and women who have good insurance, good pensions, etc. etc. and large “war” chests that keep them getting re-elected. Another case in point: who in their right mind understands why our so-called great democracy has the president chosen by electors, not by the popular vote?

Ask me in person to share my political views, or expect me to join you in your strong and vehement criticism of those others and I often I keep quiet. I don't want to debate you. I have my reasons for not getting involved in the discussions of who is right and who is wrong on major issues of today. Some are rational, Some are based on my heart and life experiences. But writing safely on my blog, I can tell you that my way of thinking, seeing both sides, is still with me even though it’s shaky these days  -- what with the Covid Delta variant and especially since the Supreme Court decision on September 20, 2021 to not hear the Texas Roe v. Wade case.

Mom called herself Fewkes. Dad called himself Fooks. They were OK with that difference. But how I wish they had learned to accept each other’s views, or at least listen respectfully.

That’s what I try to do.

About the photograph of my parents: As they grew older, they lost interest in their political disagreements, and instead were in total agreement about the national and international places they wanted to visit, including to Banff National Park, Canada in 1981.

Let Me Introduce You to My Dear Ones, Now Departed

Some talk to the living and get wisdom. I talk with the dead and imagine the wisdom they would have imparted to me. I bring questions to them and also present them with problems and challenges I face in my life. And I gain wisdom from what I imagine to be their different perspectives.

My first imagined conversation with my parents and grandparents, Zichronam Livracha, of Blessed Memory, took place in October 1999. The subject was God and Prayer and since then we have other conversations on a wide range of topics. After my Aunt Claire LeBrint Metzger and Uncle Rolland Metzger died, I expanded the conversation to include them along with my Aunt Perle LeBrint. 

Let me introduce you to my loved ones, now dead, who participate in conversations with me, along with a few snippets of wisdom from other conversations I've had with them.

My mother, Rose LeBrint Fuchs, who died in January 1991 and my father Leonard (Len) Fuchs who died in March 1997.  

Wisdom from Rose: "On the street of by the by, one comes to the house of never."
Wisdom from Len: "This too shall pass."

 

Leonard and Rose, date unknown

My grandfather, Henry Fuchs, my father Len’s father. Henry was a wise and gentle man, who had strong faith in God. Henry was married to Anne Fuchs (my father’s mother) for over 50 years. When Anne died, he made a second marriage to Bea Winston.  

My grandmother Anne Fuchs, my father Len’s mother. Anne had a heart condition that severely limited her ability to function. Preparing a Sabbath meal for our family tired her out. My two sisters and Ihad to be very quiet and good when we were around Grandma Fuchs. When I was 10, Anne had a stroke that paralyzed her right side. She walked with a brace and she could not speak except in jumbled up words. Because of her health problems and to my great regret, I hardly knew her. 

Anne and Henry had only one child, my father Leonard.

Wisdom from Grandpa Henry "You are in the thick of it and that is a good thing, but it is hard. Pray to God and write to God and talk to us. We are your inner resources. We are inside you." 
Wisdom from from Grandma Anne: "I am an observer from all these years of not being able to talk. Sometimes it is good to observe and to take time to listen and to breathe." 

Anne and Henry 1955 with their granddaughters Betsy, Judy, and Sue

My step-grandmother Bea Winston Fuchs. To Bea, my sisters and me were accepted as if we were her own granddaughters. Bea and Henry were married almost 20 years. They both died in 1979, Henry in March when he was 99 years old and Bea at age 80 two months later in May.

Wisdom from Grandma Bea: "Embrace and love your family and your step-family equally. Much joy came to me and your Grandpa Henry from joining our families together." 

 

Grandpa and Bea 1965 (as we called them)

My grandmother Anna LeBrint, my mother Rose’s mother. Anna and my grandfather Abe had five children within eight years. She felt that having so many children was a burden. In addition to being a mother, she was a business woman, buying and selling two flats and three flats in Chicago’s Albany Park neighborhood.

My grandfather Abraham (Abe) LeBrint, my mother Rose’s father. To quote my mother, Abe “had a love affair with America” and had a successful printing business in partnership with an American born friend.

My aunt Perle LeBrint was the youngest of Anna and Abe’s five children. She lived with and was financially dependent on her parents her entire life. Perle was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at age 27 in 1945. Anna watched out for Perle after the diagnosis, ensuring that her daily insulin was administered safely and correctly. Perle died in 1965, four months after Anna died.

Wisdom as told by Grandma LeBrint to her daughter Claire: "I want my children to do well, take vacations, have careers, and marry well."
Wisdom from Grandpa LeBrint: "Dare to take advantage of all the opportunities our great country offers and to step out of your comfort zone. In my life, I didn't have the nerve to follow this advice as fully as I might have, but you can do it."
Wisdom from Perle: " Mine was a comfortable safe life with no complications so it seemed. But safety and comfort are overrated. Get out there and keep taking chances. I wish I had."  

Anna LeBrint 1961, Abe LeBrint, date unknown

Perle LeBrint, date unknown

My aunt Claire LeBrint Metzger, the fourth child of Anna and Abe. Claire was a single working woman in Chicago until age 53 when she married Rolland Metzger and moved to Dixon, Illinois,.

Uncle Rolland Metzger came into my life after he married Claire in 1967.

Claire and Rolland had one house in Dixon and a second house in Chicago. I was very close to them and would sometimes drive to Dixon to visit, but frequently they came to Chicago to go to the theater, their favorite restaurant Ann Sather’s and also to join us for holiday meals at my house. Claire and Rolland survived my mother and father. Claire died in 2002; Rolland in 2005. They were like parents-contemporaries- friends to me. They had a young attitude and enjoyed keeping company with me and my husband (when I was married) and my friends.

Wisdom from Claire: "My philosophy was 'Life is full of ups and downs,' but I didn't always remember this philosophy when I was in a down period. I hope you will do better at remembering."
Wisdom from Rolland: "Put your money in Roth IRAs." and by his example: Diversify your career skills and find new ones after retirement. (He became a computer expert and tax consultant after retirement.)

 

 Claire and Rolland 1979

A Conversation with my Parents and Grandparents on God and Prayer

Some talk to the living and get their wisdom. I talk with the dead and imagine what wisdom they would impart to me. What follows is a conversation I had in October 1999, with my parents and grandparents, Zichronam Livracha, of Blessed Memory, on the subject of God and prayer.

My mother, Rose LeBrint Fuchs, died in January 1991. My father, Leonard Israel Fuchs, died in March 1997. Besides my mother and father, the others in this conversation are:

Henry Fuchs – my grandfather. My father’s father. Henry was a wise and gentle man, who had a strong faith in God. Henry was married to Anne Fuchs (my father’s mother) for close to 50 years. When Anne died, he made a second marriage to Bea Winston. Bea and Henry were married almost 20 years, until they died in the same year when Henry was 99. When Henry was 83, he was interviewed by his step-grandson and here is what he said about God,

“My idea of God? An almighty creator who regulates and controls the growth of everything including plants, including woods and forests, man and animals. I don’t think anything, even a cigarette, could become a cigarette without the aid of God.

“Can people communicate with God? I don’t see how they can. When they pray, they’re talking to God, but whether He’s listening, that’s something else. If I pray, and I wake up in the morning, in the morning there is another prayer where you thank the Lord for all of life. That’s my idea of what prayer is. Every day that you live you thank, whether you do it consciously or unconsciously, the good Lord for the gift of another day.”

Anne Fuchs – my grandmother. My father’s mother. Anne had a heart condition that limited severely her ability to function. Preparing a Shabbat meal for our family tired her out. My sisters and I, her three granddaughters, had to be very quiet and good when we were around her. When I was 10, Anne had a stroke that paralyzed her right side. She walked with a brace and she could not speak except in jumbled up words. Because of her health problems and to my great regret, I hardly knew her.

Henry and Anne had only one child, my father Leonard.

Bea Winston Fuchs – my step-grandmother. Bea was grandmother to me for almost 20 years. I spent a lot of time with Henry and Bea. She was loving and warm and funny, and a wonderful grandmother to me.

Anna LeBrint – my grandmother. My mother’s mother. Anna had five children, several of them sickly. She felt that having children was a burden. She was a business woman, buying and selling apartment buildings. She was a woman meant to have a career rather than a family.

Abe LeBrint – my grandfather. My mother’s father. Abe and Anna were not well matched. She was aggressive; he was gentle. Though they both emigrated from Russia in their early twenties, she held onto her immigrant ways while he embraced being an American. She had not much use for religion. He was attracted to Christianity.

Betsy: Hello everyone.

All: Where have you been?

Betsy: I had no questions so I thought there was no conversation.

Henry: I hope you find God through His works. How funny for me to think that you are looking for God. He is in everything, as I said to Harvey (Bea’s son-in-law) and it is our duty to give thanks to Him.

Anne: I felt that God deserted me when I got the stroke. For me, dying was being reborn. That seems awful to say, but I have speech and mobility again (whatever mobility is without a body).

Abe: I never knew God. Life was too unhappy except when I was with dear Rose and her family. I’m sorry Anna but it was true. You all know I liked the Christian God better, to make a joke he was “a kinder, gentler” God.

Len: I was cynical by nature and then the Holocaust came.

Betsy: That would describe me. I am questioning by nature and I was raised with Holocaust stories. Grandpa Fuchs, how did you deal with knowing the horrors?

Henry: I feel that God does not do for us; rather He is the goodness that is all around us. So in our prayers we thank Him. The killing of one people by another – I know that is what you are asking – what do I think about God letting the killing happen? If we humans do bad things to each other, that is not God that is man. Betsy, man needs God, needs to be thankful, needs to learn from the Bible and from his fellow man how to be good and do good. In my life no matter what people did to me, I was nice back to them. It doesn’t pay to be mean back. But I know you are thinking: what if someone did something awful to Anne, or Bea, or Len, or Rose or to you dear sweet girls (my sisters and me)? Would I be nice back to him? Would I pray to God to help me? Would I give thanks to God still?

Naturally, I would do what I needed to do in order to protect my loved ones. Again it is between man and man. God doesn’t get involved.

All: Silence for a while. Everyone seems to be thinking about Henry’s words.

Bea: Well, I needed prayer when I got sick and was ready to die. Not the thankful prayers you are talking about Henry. I prayed to the Jewish God and also I prayed to Jesus for release from my body. Betsy was shocked when I told her I prayed to Jesus and she asked me why. I said “You never know, praying to Jesus just might help.”

Anne: How lucky you were, Bea and Henry, to have fully functioning bodies. Perhaps it would have been comforting dear Henry if we had prayed to God for help, like the Psalmists did. After my stroke, I could have prayed with the jumbled words that were most times in my mind. I want to believe, like Betsy, that God understands jumble.

Rose: Oh for God’s sake, you just do and be. You get up in the morning and live. You keep going. All this God talk is ridiculous. Read a good wise novel instead. I’m sorry sweet Bet; I don’t get it, your search. But the prayers you write and share with others, they’re nice. A bit simple for my taste, but they have some good phrases. Oh how could I say that – your writing is good, sweet, wonderful, the right words evade me.

Betsy: Grandma LeBrint is there anything you want to say before I go?

Anna: I lived. I didn’t have time to pray. But often when family matters aggravated me I prayed “Oh God, why did you give me Tzoris (Yiddish word for trouble and aggravation).” But of course God didn’t respond; God doesn’t answer questions like that. So now I think life is difficult and perhaps God provides for moments, seconds of good will, of peace, what you sometimes call “Grace,” Betsy.

Betsy: Thank you all. This conversation was and is a moment of Grace.